Friday Baccalaureate, Capping.
Saturday Graduation.
Sunday pack, load van, squeeze friends, drive home.
Don’t take long way around campus. Don’t look in rear-view
mirror. Don’t glance right on interstate. Veer left. Exit Birmingham, the city
no longer mine.
Follow I-65 N, a mindless drive ripping a straight shot
home.
Brain blowing thought bubbles, popping before half formed.
Flick on Mumford and Sons, allow them to run the
gauntlet of emotions and question marks I will confront soon enough.
Emigrate to right lane, mechanically navigating sculpture of
pavement, face settling into bust, mind vanishing into autopilot.
Call friend. Voicemail.
Realize don’t want to talk.
Realize need this solitude.
Realize need this solitude.
Tell self am finished with undergrad, am finished writing
papers, am finished attending classes, am finished driving this road’s reverse in August.
Don’t comprehend, too tired.
Amscaredlostconfusedterrifiednoideawhatdoingwithlifeworkedassoffincollegeandgraduatedwithnojob.
Want sleep.
Am driving.
Can’t sleep.
Attempt thinking. Mind rejects request. Body reports must
pee. Mind rejects request.
Crossing state line, obligatory honking.
Bladder emitting pain signals. Mind scoffs at neediness.
Sun wandering elsewhere, ostentatiously orange.
Switch on headlights.
Hills climbing higher. Bends sharpening. Exits ticking.
Spot mine. What if…? Swerve at last second.
One
Two
Three turns
Sign announcing hometown
Two
Three turns
Sign announcing hometown
Sprawling nearer
Growing larger
And suddenly I'm wailing, howling, pounding the steering
wheel, No! No! No! WTF! Noooo!
as I drive forward, a dead end road, college degree sliding in
the trunk.
