Drive

Thursday submit final paper. Undergrad done.

Friday Baccalaureate, Capping.

Saturday Graduation.

Sunday pack, load van, squeeze friends, drive home.

Don’t take long way around campus. Don’t look in rear-view mirror. Don’t glance right on interstate. Veer left. Exit Birmingham, the city no longer mine.

Follow I-65 N, a mindless drive ripping a straight shot home.

Brain blowing thought bubbles, popping before half formed.

Flick on Mumford and Sons, allow them to run the gauntlet of emotions and question marks I will confront soon enough.

Emigrate to right lane, mechanically navigating sculpture of pavement, face settling into bust, mind vanishing into autopilot.

Call friend. Voicemail.

Realize don’t want to talk.
Realize need this solitude.

Tell self am finished with undergrad, am finished writing papers, am finished attending classes, am finished driving this road’s reverse in August.

Don’t comprehend, too tired.

Amscaredlostconfusedterrifiednoideawhatdoingwithlifeworkedassoffincollegeandgraduatedwithnojob.

Want sleep.

Am driving.

Can’t sleep.

Attempt thinking. Mind rejects request. Body reports must pee. Mind rejects request.

Crossing state line, obligatory honking.

Bladder emitting pain signals. Mind scoffs at neediness.

Sun wandering elsewhere, ostentatiously orange.

Switch on headlights.

Hills climbing higher. Bends sharpening. Exits ticking.

Spot mine. What if…? Swerve at last second.

One
Two
Three turns
Sign announcing hometown

Sprawling nearer

Growing larger

And suddenly I'm wailing, howling, pounding the steering wheel, No! No! No! WTF! Noooo!

as I drive forward, a dead end road, college degree sliding in the trunk.